2Gz Breakin' The Bank

so u know u married a dumbbitch...

2008-06-30T05:59:00.000-07:00

when u are told that ure child will never be used as a weapon yet that is the one thing she goes with when the "no sex for you" line stops working.

the One Crock of shit

2008-05-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

We were talking at work how if i dont simmer down and take one of the girls on there offer of allowing my balls to be in there purse i have the chance that i may miss "the one" so i did a little experiment to prove the effectiveness of the one. Here are the Results:

Even the computer says there is no Fucking Way that with this many people in the world you Can/will ever find that person that is your soul mate!!! Sorry Oxygen network and TLC go cuddle one of your 60 cats and move on to the next fantasy that was created to keep ugly people happy and keep the suicide rates down

Mike tyson

2008-05-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

So when i golf the rubber from my club heads get all over my hands and it looks as though i just ruffed up Mike Tyson's suspect

2008-05-15T04:36:00.001-07:00

I THINK I BANGED RUPAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would robots do?

2008-05-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

so this new girl im seeing told me that she has 13 piercings with 6 down by the belt. so i told jay this and then followed it with if i wanted to fuck nothing but metal i would call i robot!!!

the hole of the unknown stripper

2008-05-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

as posted before I got trashed and banged 3 strippers to who i though i had known all of them this is how i found out i dont know a hole that i thought i did...... I was on the phone with one of the girls that i thought was the 3rd piece of the gevry nasty love puzzel and she started giving me an attiude about going up to the CR that evening. i commented with " wow you must have been drunk if you dont remeber going up there with me" and she said i wasnt up there what are you talking about? I thought quick and hard and came up with the only thing that i could think of and said " yeaaa, i was realy drunk" so now i must go there this tuesday and see who is working and whos ass shakes just the right way

Food is like sex

2008-05-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

we were discussing how when you want someone else its alot like food.... if you want cake but all you have is pretzels eventualy when your hungry enough you will eat the pretzels so not to starve but it just wont hit the spot like the cake.

G money-Jdizzel

girls in the Know

2008-05-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

so i figured i would post a little bit about my endevors in the dating world thus far here it is (pictures to come):

Stage Name: Ciara
real name: katie
Occupation: striper
Family Status: 1 kid, boy 2 yrs old
location: Hartford
age: 19
background: 19 yo blond female that origionaly said doesnt have boyfriend because it causes too much drama which turned me on, in reaility like every other girl, full of shit because she has since labeled me a "stipper cheater" due to tiping other girls. has went to rehab from being clinicaly dead from drinking for 2 mins.

real name: Jill
Occupation: shot girl
Family Status: just got out of long term relationship
location: West Springfield
age: 19
background: just broke up with boyfriend of 3 yrs. smoking hot body. downsides seem to be the same as her upside... shes not easy... i mean not striper easy, she said she has friends before she has boyfriends. i belive this lion will be tamed very shortly by the king of the grundle jungle.up sides are that smoking body, great personality she has 2 jobs(which means no money from this guy) did i mention she looks like she could tear my ass up in the old gevry den? yea wow!!!

Stage Name: Sasha
real name: ???? I forgot cause i was hammered
Occupation: striper
Family Status: single
location: NYC
age: ??? mid to late 20s
background: This one is a animal, i hooked up with her and still cant get it up it was that nuts. smoking hot, blond, 5-6, 105LBS 36 Ds that are real looks like a porn star that lives the high life. continulay tells me that i am mad fuckable and then invited me to london for the week. yet here i am hitting up the old blog and stead of fucking that crazy broad.. hehe

real name: Melissa
Occupation: Bar tender
Family Status: single
location: Springfield
age: 28
background: Melissa is crazy. she always seems to have an attiude until the paper comes out. her body language is very confusing and I am a big fan of body lanuage. she is a PR and She is very cute. She was seeming Pissed off all the time because no one tiped her as much as the girls getting naked.... so being the nice guy i am i gave her a $10 tip on a $17 pittcher. now she loves me and is willing to bend over backwards for me. Holla

more to come when i have more time

the 3 letter words

2008-05-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

i was commenting on how i love the word "ish" and i said how the only other 3 letter words i like more than ish is OOO and then Jdizzel said without hesatation, dont forget the word yes!!!

High fiveCreate

A few rules for a night at the Gras

2008-05-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

1. if you over spend your account dont go to work the next morning and type in RMAB

2. If you are going to drink and drive make sure your in the army and can sell even a cop that he shouldnt arrest you because you were doing what the president said to do and boost the economy and it sure was stimulised when you are hooking girls up with a free education.

3. if you hook up with 3 stripers at the same time try to remeber there names by making a song out of it.
If you end up hooking up with a striper and paying make sure you give it to them good enough that they cancel the charge!!. holla!!!!

5. remeber that no ass is worth a 28% cash advance charge

so i found out why we arent getting laid

2008-04-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

so i was thinking of what has changed in my life to make it that my sex fiend wife stoped putting out.... then it dawned on me, someone had stolen my wives output cord. so i went to best buy and purchased 3 just in case.

Wasting Time?

2008-04-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

I look at my life both past and present and think of all the times i have wasted doing something ethier fully against my will or something i didnt want to do but did in the quest for ass. here is the list so far:

1. clothes shoping( we dont like clothes unless they are balled in the corner somewhere)

2. paint/wallpaper/ furniture shopping- why go? your opinion means nothing and more importantly when we go and see how much this shit costs and realize that we wont get laid if we spend the money or not .

3. Couples counsling- why drive 2 hours round trip for an 1 hr apt. that is to help us communicate 1 time a week when our cell phones is impossible because its less of an inconvience to me but more importantly there is not the other person to try to win over to agree that you are an insensitive prick and should rot in hell for the shit you put your spouse through.

4.army missions-- huge!!!!! lets wake up after an hr of sleep to walk up a mountain range that I can clearly see from my bed and everything looks ok from there!!!! FTA!!!!!!!!

5. Fast food drive throughs- if i had time to wait the 20 miniutes for my food i would have went to a freakin sit down dinner instead of the food from yesterday that the high school drop out cant serve in the same time that dominos delivers because they couldnt quite get passed 3rd grade math and cant make change with there shoes on and i would have had drinks!!!!

how 2 tell a good buisness man

2008-04-24T04:48:00.000-07:00

so a local mens club has blown more than my wallet it has also blown my mind. the owner knowing that men's wives can sometimes bitch when we spend money not on them has set up their debit card reader and atms to post with out screaming "I was out looking at tittys last night instead of being at home getting yelled at for something i pobebly didnt do anyway!!!" they say M&M Inc and it is only in the discription of charges is where it gets fuzzy and can cause issues. this is what it says:

MCC Description
DRINKING PLACES (ALCOHOLIC BEV.)-BARS, TRAVEL

but doesnt say a damn thing bout tittys or 2 dollar grundlers!!!

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!

she has been passed around more than...

2008-04-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

So we were having a conversation about a pretty easy girl that was intrested in me and the line came out "she has been passed around more than" and I finished it off with "the puke bucket on the titanic"

2 points for the 2Gz

things to be stiffer than.....

2008-04-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

I have been known time to time to have a few catch phrazes, 1 being I am stiffer than....

well I have cum up with more:

A priest in sunday school.

gay man at an Elton John concert.

a single mans "Happy Sock"

a britsh mans lower lip.

So you think you caught something?

2008-04-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

there are a few sure fire ways to tell you have a SomeThin' Dirty:

1. you wake up after a crazy night look down at your junk and it looks like you took care of a jello mold more than Bill Cosby and forgot to clean up.

2. when the wind blows your parts burn more than space junk hitting the sun.

3.when people can smell you from a farther distance than the local pier AND you just got out of the shower.

4. when you feel more things munching than at an all you can eat buffet.

5. when you seem to be visiting the local Strip joint and the girls use a towel only when they are around you.

6. when crackwhores are willing to give you electronics instead of sex for money.

more to cum

Things that make you go ummm???

2008-04-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

how is it that people are more concerned with the welfare of people in other countries yet not as worried about the guy who lives in an ATM booth in this country?

how is it that a civilian doing a federal job gets paid more than a military guy by 200% and cares less about the speed and quality of the work?

how is it that a bank manager that gives away the companies money to keep customers happy gets paid more than the teller that makes all the money for the company??

why is it that colleges pay more money in renavating and new construction than they pay for advertising for more students?

keep it here to see more in the near future

This is how i feel most days!

2008-04-16T18:54:00.001-07:00

2008-04-16T18:41:00.001-07:00

Let the Craziness Begin.....

The Tale Of 2 Gevry's

2008-04-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

There has been recent studies that have proven that in all of history no two Gevry's can be in 1 domicile longer than 1 year.

Are you and your spouse a "Gevry" there is a quick checklist to see if you need a lawyer (criminal or family):

Do the cops get called more than your best friend?

Can you count the number of times you both have smiled at each other without thinking of the other in an awkward situation involving miracle whip and dental floss on one hand and the number of times the "suspect has been roughed up" on no extremity's?

Do you feel that your spouse makes as many attempts at saving your relationship as Hitler did to create the feel diversity campaign.

Do you know that is more acceptable for your spouse to get an article of clothing than for you to be able to splurge on the McDollar menu?

If your spouse works more hours on salary than they did when they were hourly because they need to support the family?

if any of these questions you can answer yes to, please do your self a favor.... wrap it up.....dont drink near each other and agree that seeing other people will bring your relationship closer than ever before both mentally and physically !!!!!

2008-04-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is ode to SGT(for now) St.Dennis..

Every story started with this Phraze: "so there I was doing what I do best; balls deep in some bitches ass......."

these are common places that this may fit in to a story:

1. Bars
2. Drill
3. On a plane
4. on a bus
5. at a funeral
6. mom's house (yours or mine)
7. at work (not such a good idea if you work at a place that deals with women in traumatic experiences)
8. T.V. telethons (Calling or hosting)

It works just about anywhere........

Todays goal is to find four more places and add it to the list.